This is part III of my series on whether or not you should get engaged. If you missed the first two posts, you can find them below:
Part I - You Should Not Rush To Get Married
Part II - You Need To Have Great Communication
In Part III, I’m going to talk about something that is key in dating relationships:
You Should Not Get Engaged For Any Other Reason Than LOVE
That’s right. I see it all the time. People think that if they get married to this person ALL of their problems will go away. I have NO idea what their thinking is on this one, but in my mind that is ridiculous. I’ve listed a few things that you will hear from people that are getting engaged for the wrong reasons. See if you fall into any of these categories listed below. If you don’t, you are well on your way to getting engaged! So here it is, 8 terrible reasons to get engaged:
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“All my financial troubles will go away” - Yeah right. Unless you are marrying someone who is incredibly wealthy, this won’t happen. Yes, you are gaining an extra income, but remember - you now have to support two people!
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“He/She will be sweeter once we get married” - Once again, this probably isn’t going to happen. The whole reason for dating someone is to see if the two of you get along and discover if you share the same values. Why do you think that someone will radically change their personality once you get married? Of course the dynamic of the relationship is completely different, but it’s going to be tough for them to totally change their personality. Use the dating period as a time where you ask yourself if you can honestly say you’d be happy spending the rest of your life with this person!
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“Just because he/she cheated on me during our dating time doesn’t mean that he/she will cheat on me in marriage” - This one is really pushing it. You really should ask “why” they cheated on you. If they cheat on you when you are young and beautiful (or in the case of men - macho) what makes you think that when you are 50 years old they will stick around? You really need to talk this one through if you have had this issue arise!
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“We’ll figure the important things out when we have to” - Thanks to my fiancee, I am a huge advocate of authentic communication. If you can’t make decisions on things now, what do you think will happen when you are married? Ask the big questions before you get a ring on your finger!
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“So what if we’ve been dating for 37 days? We’ll be fine!” - Do you really know this person? Don’t get caught up in “la-la land” when it comes to romance. If you still are confused, check out Part I!
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“I just want to marry someone who will make me rich” - If you are seriously dating someone just because they want to be a doctor or lawyer and therefore will make tons of money, you really need to focus on why you are dating them. The Bible tells us that you cannot serve two masters - it’s either God or money (Matthew 6:24). I’ll take God any day!
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“I just want to have sex” - This is one of the big issues that often push Christian couples into getting married before they are ready. Sure the allure of sex is great, but remember that you need to have a solid foundation for your relationship if you want it to succeed long term!
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“I want to get away from my parents” - You might hear this one from someone that comes from a home that is very strict. I come from a very loving family, but there are kids in my youth group that have strained relationships with their parents. Getting married won’t solve the issue of a distant relationship with your parents!
If you fall into one of those eight categories take a second look at your relationship. Ask yourself why you want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you answer falls into one of these categories, I suggest you look to the Bible for advice. See how Jesus loved and model your relationship after him!
